My New Relationship (with my phone).
(And with God. But not in that order.)
The other day, I had an incredible experience that I just have to share because it was so beautiful and perfect and wonderful and it’s really the stuff dreams are made of, so - here it is:
I went for a walk.
Now I walk everyday, but this day was special because…
I went for a walk without my phone.
(Yes. I know. Stay with me.)
I mean I walked out the front door with my head up instead of down, with my ears open instead of plugged with earbuds, with my eyes focused on my surroundings instead of my screen.
The first thing I noticed was my left shoe squeaking. How long had it been squeaking? I wondered if anyone around me had ever noticed. After a moment of mini-panic at that thought (“Here comes the girl with the squeaky shoe!”), I suddenly realized I couldn’t hear the squeak anymore. I was listening to the wind blowing the autumn leaves and branches up and down, back and forth. I was listening to the ducks splashing in the pond. I was listening, less enthusiastically, to a woman baby-talk to her huge pit bull as they walked by.
As I listened to the crunch of the leaves under my feet and felt the breeze blowing across my face, I wondered, “Has the sun ever been this bright? It seems brighter today. Is that yard freshly landscaped? When did they have that done? Is the pond always this sparkly in the sunlight?” I have no idea how, what, or why, but I’m convinced even my sense of smell was sharper without my phone.
I need to admit that I did actually have my phone with me; it was on Airplane Mode in my pocket in case of an emergency. But I made it a point to not even pull it out to keep track of the time as I usually would, and to just walk and walk and walk while I talked to God and listened to God and was present with Him in the moment.
I should also note that as a true Type A personality who combines tasks and doesn’t like to waste time, I always listen to sermons or podcasts while I walk, so I don’t typically stare at my screen while walking, and I try to stay present, smile at passers-by, notice new things, but something about not even having my phone out and having my ears fully engaged - something about that felt very special and calming and real.
When did my phone start distracting me from life? When did it start contributing to my stress? At what point did my phone transition from being a help to a hindrance?
I remember over a decade ago when I got my very first smartphone, I was in love with it. Maybe that expression sounds too strong when referring to a device, but it seems appropriate. I kept my phone with me at all times; I didn’t want to be too far from it. I thought it was beautiful: I was captivated by the big, bright screen (which would be quite small compared to the size of phone screens now), and I marveled at all the things it could do (again, these functions wouldn’t seem quite marvelous compared to today’s smartphone functions).
I would sit in my car before work and watch videos; I would check my messages and Facebook immediately after work to see what I’d missed. I could easily amuse myself anytime at even the slightest hint of boredom.
My love affair with smartphones continued when I moved abroad and needed to navigate a new city and subway system all by myself. It kept me in touch with loved ones back home while also helping me to forge new friendships in a new place.
Having a smartphone was also useful when I decided to start my own business. I could video chat with clients, respond to emails, post on social media - everything I needed to do - right from my beloved device.
I’m sure you’ve seen articles over the past few years about people “breaking up” with their smartphones. I understand that, yet I don’t want to completely break up with mine. I still believe my phone can be a benefit to my life, so I’ve remained friends with my phone, but it is no longer my best friend.
Like any relationship, I have become increasingly aware over the past couple of years that some boundaries with my phone are needed, and also, as helpful as my phone is, sometimes being away from it is even more helpful.
I set some boundaries with my phone and I adjust them as needed, but right now here’s how I use my phone:
Daytime Use: Right now, I’m blessed to be able to leave my phone in another room for large portions of the day so that I’m not distracted by it. I can’t do that in every season or situation, but when I can, I like to put some space between my phone and myself so I’m not tempted to constantly pick it up and distract myself from whatever I’m working on at the moment.
If I’m hanging out with a friend or loved one, I’ll leave my phone in my purse so I can stay present and fully focus my attention on the conversation. Maybe it’s because my love language is quality time, but I don’t feel loved, respected, or enjoyed when the person I’m with is always on their phone while we’re together, and I never want to do that to someone else, so my phone stays tucked away during these times.
Even though I thoroughly enjoyed walking with my phone in my pocket as I shared above, I will still listen to a podcast, sermon, or music some days. I’m learning to discern how I’m feeling or what I need that day and go from there. But I will say phone-less walks are happening more and more often these days.
Nighttime Use: This is probably the biggest area of change for me as I’ve always enjoyed watching a video or show before bed, or having “one last scroll” through my Instagram feed before turning out the lights. But over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed my quality of sleep has greatly improved when I put my phone away a couple of hours before bed. As much as I still love my phone, I have grown to love my sleep more. (Am I getting old?!) So each night, usually around the time the sun starts to go down, I’ll put my phone in another room so I’m not tempted to look at it. I’ll quickly glance at it before bed to make sure I didn’t miss an important text, and then I’ll turn it on Airplane Mode as an extra assurance my sleep won’t be disturbed. Then I’m free to enjoy a good book before bed instead of mindlessly scrolling.
Notifications: I have notifications turned off except for texts and calls; however, I only give my number to people I’m close to and actually want to hear from. Even then, I also put my phone on silent or Airplane Mode for times when I need to concentrate or don’t want to be disturbed.
Social Media: I don’t have Facebook or Messenger on my phone. I download Instagram to check in or share a quick story, but then I delete it from my phone so I’m not tempted to scroll or to keep “checking in” throughout the day. Sometimes, I won’t download it again for several days or even a week or two, and as much as I enjoy Instagram, I find that those longer breaks really do help me stay present and less anxious, especially if I’m in a stressful season.
As I mentioned, this is where my phone boundaries are today. They will change as I do and as my season or current situation changes; this is just what’s working for me right now.
I’m loving my new relationship with my phone, but more importantly, I’m loving my renewed relationship with myself, with my time, and with God.
I’m loving not feeling as stressed or experiencing FOMO if I don’t “check” my phone all the time. (By the way, I’ve started wondering what I’ve been “checking” for all this time? “Checking” to see what’s new? What I’ve missed? Very often the answer was and still is nothing. So why check?)
I’m loving having time to be lost in thought or to sit in silence or to read more books. I can’t tell you how many times lately an idea has popped into my head that I guarantee wouldn’t have appeared if I’d had my nose in my phone. I’m also thrilled to not only be reading more but reading better. I don’t wake up and check my phone first thing or stay on it late at night, so I can read some in the morning and at night, and I can concentrate and absorb what I’m reading because my phone isn’t right beside me.
But really, what I’m loving the most is the fact that being less attached to my phone has naturally led to being more attached to God.
Instead of feeling bored without my phone, I’m finding that I actually desire to spend more time with Him. And without all the ever-present distractions of my phone, I’ve come to know Him more deeply than I ever have before.
What better way to spend my time than sitting at His feet, listening and learning?
I can assure you it's better than mindless scrolling and “checking” - in fact, it doesn’t even compare.
Here’s to renewed relationships and stronger fellowship! Here’s to more books and time and creativity! Here’s to knowing Him and wanting to know Him even more!
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Hi! I'm Abigail, your real-talk Christian life coach and faith mentor. I believe we're on this earth for a reason, and I LOVE helping people realize and live that truth so that they can reach their God-given potential in all areas of life.
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